The UC San Diego Men’s Soccer team began their season with a convincing win over UC Riverside on January 28th. The Tritons played gritty defense and free flowing offense to secure a win that the score did not accurately represent. Riverside was never in the game. Their anemic offense barely created the illusion of a threatening attack. Jaime “Money League” Ayala opened the scoring with a header that may as well been a recreation of the famous “Creation of Adam” painting by Michelangelo. The grace of Ayala’s jump and the accurate placement of the shot resembled the famous strokes of Michelangelo’s paint brush. The Tritons toyed with the wounded Highlanders until the very end. Firas “Osh Kosh B’gosh” Eid smoothly worked his way through the defense in a manner resembled a river flowing through the rapids. He won a penalty and celebrated by brushing pieces of turf from his beard. Quinn “Rin Tin Tin” Frantzen stepped up to take the penalty. He was taunted by the goalkeeper prior to the kick, but the captain played it off even though his career penalty conversion percentage is under 10%. He slotted it into the right corner and proceeded to do a celebration that invoked classical 16^th century British dance and the newly created Salt Bae meme. Tritons 2. Riverside 0.