Volleyball is Pretty Cool
Well would you look at that! The Tritons of the female variety weren’t out of their league as they battled teams in their league for the first time this season down at SDSU. UC San Diego started the day off right with some coffee and Rice KrispiesÒ Treats prepared by the buttery hands of the lovely Gina “Baked Goodness Goddess” Powers. Volleyball-wise, the tritons had an equally strong morning by first defeating the University of Arizona and then vanquishing the University of San Diego.
“Shock ‘em Tritons” was the theme of the morning as the team pulled in with great offense by Michelle “Flaming Hot Cheetos Puff Daddy” Vuong, Sarah “Consumer of Crackers” and Sydney “Somehow Still Standing” Riegert, who also happens to be the recording artist of all laser tag gun sound effects. Alicia “Tall Asian” Chen started the day with major beef with the net; but quickly slipped out of it because G-Nasty buttered her up like Paula Deen. Amanda “Windex” Dieterle also feasted on the butter and proved she wasn’t to be defeated not only on the volleyball court but also the dance floor/ rap battle stage. The team is still waiting on the day the two music giants on the team Riegert and Dieterle will face off. Hopefully it waits until after the season is over for surely both will not survive.
Back to volleyball, the electrocution dished out by the front row was only made possible by efforts made by the defensive staff. You might as well have called Emma “Yung Chub” Choi a backhoe because only a machine is capable of digging the quantity of balls she was. Nataly “Human Garage Band” Aguilar got an offer to join the US synchronized swimming team for the 2016 Olympics in Rio solely based off her stellar diving performance in the back row. Also, Giovanna “Like a G6” Silberman implemented a defensive strategy so effective she had US Secretary of State calling for advice.
In the final match of the day and of the regular season the tritons suffered a tough loss against their local rivals SDSU. Freshman Julia “Senseless (specifically scent) Killer” House beguiled the SDSU defense with her crazy arm swing; managing to sneak through their block to take state to pound town. But alas, her effort along with all the chicken bakes in the world were not enough to carry the team through to the Victorville (not the town by Temecula but the place where winners go). The team simply could not beat to the alma mater of Coach Taylor “Blanket Bandit” Cohen out of pure respect. A respect that is further evidenced by the team’s previous loss to Sonoma State, the alma mater of both Cohen and Phil “Philbert” Brault.
Overall, the Tritons finished their season with a record of 10 wins and 1 loss. As the great Hannah Montana once said, “Nobody’s perfect, you live and you learn it”. There were no hard feelings though because the Tritons still finished as the first seed in SCCVL. On top of that, this weekend they gained friendship, jolly memories, In-N-Out burgers, and a new remix of the national anthem that rivals Lady Gaga’s superb Super Bowl rendition.
A special shout out also needs to be given to Brooke “Cyborg Overlord” Barber for coming out and supporting our team. Just wait 2 weeks and she will be back stronger than ever kicking buttocks in Vegas.
The Tritons can’t wait until next weekend where they will be searching for tacos, teriyaki chicken bowls, and the title of League Champions at the ASC.